Critique

Half way down the first page
the story convolutes like a premature ending.
In paragraph X line Y
the name changes.
Tense is all over the place. Tension too.
Also, over-usage of the word "martyr."
Not enough is explained.
Metaphors as diverse as continents ramble
on and whilst some readers
see the underlying theme,
others don't.
Finally I'd like to call your attention
to the fact that inconsistency
makes bad art.