FAQs
Q: Can I link to your website?
A: Yes. You don't have to ask permission for this, so please don't because I am useless at getting back to people. However, I enjoy snooping around other people's websites, so submit a link to your own site to my guestbook and I'll take a look.
Q: Can I use one of your images on my website?
A: No. The images are copyright.
Q: Why don't you ever answer contact forms?
A: Because I get a lot of them and they are usually from people who turn out to be completely nuts. Due to the number of contact forms I get, and the usual content of them, I have a "no reply" policy, so you're very lucky if you get a reply. Unfortunately, one email leads to another, and then I'm fighting off twenty different conversations with people I don't know who all turn out to be really weird. I DO read them though. If you want to know what I think: you're all crazy and trying to spam/scam/message/proposition/stalk/kidnap/rape/murder me. Sign my guestbook instead and you might get a reply, (if you say something interesting), but no, I don't want to make friends with you freaky cyber people.
Q: Why didn't my message appear in your guestbook?
A: Because I get a lot of spam spiders trying to submit porn links to it, so messages only appear after I have approved them. If your message said something spammy like "cool site" and had a link back to your own site, I may have deleted it thinking it was spam, in which case you should think of something more inventive to say. I'm very lazy about approving new comments to the guestbook, so it could be a few months before they appear online anyway.
Q: Where did your blog comments facility disappear to?
A: I decided I didn't like living in a democracy. At least not one populated by nitwits who can't read/think/laugh before they type and click.
Q: You are a whingey goth.
A: I have a dark sense of humour and I write in the gothic fantasy/horror genre. But if you mean, do I wear black and stalk around being miserable whilst being about 10x more intelligent than everyone else, then no, that is something I can only aspire to.
Q: I'm a student and I read your article on Sneinton and now I don't want to live there. Can you recommend a good area of Nottingham?
A: Believe me, when I get round to it I will be writing about the far more delightful areas of St. Anns (street crime, mugging), The Meadows (gun crime, mafia), and Hyson Green/Radford/Forest Fields (drugs, prostitution). Nottingham doesn't really have any "safe" student areas, but as a city it's generally safer than Leeds or Manchester. If you can afford it, try Wollaton or somewhere near The Park. I used to recommend people try the city centre around Hockley or the Lace Market as the worst you would experience was some noise and a lot of pigeon poo. Unfortunately the Lace Market area has gone upmarket and is full of desperate professionals in cramped flats and there is not much that is affordable for students. I don't recommend the city centre at all any more as at night it is full of insane, chubby country bumpkins bussed (or limousined) in from miles around all intent on getting absolutely slaughtered and having a fight.
Q: I find your opinions about Nottingham/Sneinton/chavs/people/life/everything completely offensive.
A: Good. I find you completely offensive too, because you obviously haven't read the offending posts accurately. While we're at it, why not go have your hen night in Brighton instead?
Q: Where did your nutrition articles go?
A: I'm starting a dedicated nutrition site where I am hoping to attract a different readership with an average age that is greater than ten. Until that time they're undergoing revision and cannibalisation.
Q: You are immature. When are you going to grow up you pathetic teenager?
A: I'm thirty two years old. I'll be sure to magically appear to grow up instantly when they reverse your sense-of-humour lobotomy.
Copyright © 02 October 2006
